Employment, here I come

I woke up not wanting to do anything, I didn’t have the willpower. In the past this was one of the major things that stopped me from achieving my goals. But now that I’ve put my goals into a realistic routine, it is easier to force myself to just do what I need to do. It doesn’t sap my willpower. Developing habits and maintaining a routine are extremely related concepts, and a habit/routine is what allows you to save your daily limit of willpower for other things. For example, I love to think a lot about what I want to eat at a restaurant ;P

Speaking of putting my goals into a realistic routine…my routine is based off of what I would do if I went back in time to when I was born with the knowledge I have now. I am obsessive with fantasizing about that, so I figured that I would copy my plans in that fantasy, and just do them now. This one trick has improved my life and my progress towards my goals by leaps and bounds. Maybe people have these kinds of fantasies for productive reasons such as this…food for thought.

I’m getting more and more ready to reenter the workforce. I’ve determined I have all the coping skills, skills, perspectives, contingency plans, plans, and emotional preparedness to start looking for unpaid internships. I will start with that because I want to see if I like a company before moving forward. All I have left is to just wait and prove to myself that these new skills of mine can persist for some time. I’m only going to be looking for office jobs, because I do much better with those. I’m not afraid of requesting my reasonable accommodations up front, because that will weed out toxic employers who don’t want mentally ill people, and attract nurturing employers like what I had in the past.

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I will not criticize. I will point out the good in people.

I am currently baseline, neither depressed nor manic. I have been doing extremely well on self-mastery, I found the biggest way to improve that is with a well designed routine. Yesterday I started my routine up again and today I’m easily following through despite lowered willpower, which makes me feel amazing. Anticipating my coming manic episode: I’m ready to accept me falling out of habit with this routine because I’m ready to pick it right back up again when out of my future manic episode. I can even try to continue on my routine during the episode to as much success as I can muster. The same applies to the eventual depressive episode following that.

I woke up feeling tired, probably because the long day yesterday, the caffeine I had too late, and the argument with my friend that had yet to finish. Throughout the day I was afraid that she would block me, but we made up. The take-away is that I got defensive about my polyamorous beliefs way too quickly and way too powerfully. I was ready to interpret anything as someone trying to change my beliefs. This is the first major failure I’ve had in this department, and now I’m properly motivated to be more casual about the subject.

When I read more of “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” I learned that sometimes I’m quick to criticize loved ones. I came to the conclusion that I should replace ‘criticizing’ with ‘conversationalizing’. What I mean by this is that the only times I changed because of someone else’s words were because they were mentioned in casual conversation, and I chose to accept those words into my life. Never has someone’s criticizing words motivated me to change…well, at least not before I later learned how to let criticizing words change me. That is a skill that is above and beyond, however. I cannot expect others to have it. I must expect people to be illogical, emotional, prideful, and vain in order to love them properly, however ironic that may be. I will point out the good in people.

I need to go to the family clinic next to my house to see if they take straight Medical! Although it was initially counter-intuitive, I set an event on my calendar to do this tomorrow.

Socially, I’m doing well in damage control, I’m bringing up bonus damage control conversations, I’m maintaining a little bit of a sense of activity to those I currently cannot get to meaningfully, I’m following up on promised plans, and I’m continuing to build positive relationships with select friends. I’ve been doing well with my parents and I’m motivated to continue to improve the person I am around them.

I’m currently working on a text-based grand strategy game: working on the data structures needed. I started a writing project, jotting down notes in my composition book. I’m keeping my digital symphony composition interests in mind. I’m having fun with Sim City 4. And I’m off to a good start with my Journal/Blog.